Once upon a time, I was madly in love with Mr. I.
It was definitely not love at first sight.
It was love at the 2nd sight.
He was a charming young man.
Smooth with his words and always swept me off my feet
with his melodious voice.
He knows how to make a girl feels like a princess.
I started to fall in love with Mr. I really deep.
He is one romantic man.
Lighting up candles on the playground on my birthday and
being chased by the policemen! Oh my oh my.
Serenading me a sweet song and dedicating it to me in-front of hundreds
on stage.
Those moments made me feel so loved.
I thought to myself, "This guy is the guy!"
But, it was not all rosy.
Affairs. Jealousy. Arguments which leads to countless break-ups.
At times, I feel so insecure about this relationship.
I was just lack of confidence in myself,
and it turn I became a teeny weeny bit paranoid.
Ok, at times, I did get overboard.
But, I did improve over time.
I initiated break-ups initially but the real deals were done by Mr. I.
I was left heartbroken, not once but twice.
Mr. H came into the picture.
One smart dude. I was impressed with his IQ and EQ.
He did his research on me and studied me.
He had a blueprint done on how to be my friend and how to make
me attracted to him.
He appeared mysterious, because I like to be challenged.
He knows exactly what kind of person I am.
He knows how to make me feel all excited on knowing a new guy.
He teased me alot, and played lots of MIND games with me.
He was. one interesting guy.
And, I really like his name. alot.
Mr H. and I became a couple after few months of being good friends.
I feel like high school girl, all over again.
It feels really nice to have a boyfriend who sits behind you in the lecture hall, checking
you out all the time.
It feels nice to have a secretive relationship.
We kept the relationship hush hush as not to let the entire course mates
know we were together.
It felt to have a boyfriend who was willing to teach and guide you to pass.
But, I realized after 2 months.... I like Mr. H just as a goooood friend.
Nothing more than that.
I broke Mr H's heart.
Im truly apologetic for being one mean heartbreaker.
But, Mr H was nice enough to forgive me.
So, thank you Mr H.
Thank you for entering my life and being there when my heart was crushed into pieces.
Lastly, There is Mr K. My Datok K. Hahahaha....
He is not... charming, romantic, smart or mysterious.
He is not what Im looking for.
He does not own the attributes I want in "The Right Guy".
but be it with Mr I or Mr H, Mr K will always be either a friend or a "mysterious friend".
Back then with Mr I, even thought I LOVE Mr I alot, I told myself " Mr K is a nice friend. I shall not lose a nice friend."
At that point of time, my intention was truly sincere.
To keep a good friend.
Mr I was so furious when he got to know I went out with Mr K. (as friends)
He assumed I was not truthful to him. (sigh)
I tried telling Mr I over and over again that I am innocent but
he refused to believe me.
I feel god plan for him not to believe me.
Again, with Mr H, I was still friend with Mr K.
Mr H was furious too.
One day, he heard me talking to Mr K when I accidentally
dialed Mr H's number.
Ooopise!
It was embarrassing!
But of course, Mr H did not scold me because he's a nice guy.
When I decided to end the relationship, he thought it was because of Mr K.
But, truly it wasnt about Mr K.
I told him honestly that I can't forget about Mr I.
Once I love a guy so deep, I will continue loving him for years and years.
So, its truly hard for me to love another guy again.
Mr K tried to pursue me when i was out with Mr H.
I was not into Mr K.
But I truly like his company. He is truly funny and nice and selenge at times..
Just like me.
Best thing about Mr K is that he doesnt mind my craziness, my loudness, my PMSes, my
forever thinking about Mr I, my depressions, my bossiness and etc etc.
I was being neutral to Mr K till 2013. I didn't really show much emotions.
I just like being around him as friends. Nothing more.
Well, at times, I could feel the chemistry..the sparks between us.
But, it the feelings come and go.
It went on for years.
So, I was left confused.
Do I really like Mr K as friend or more than a friend?
Mr K is opposite of Mr I and Mr H.
He can be totally clueless about being romantic.
It made me mad at times...
But, since I was still in my "heartbroken state" of mind and emotionally,
it doesnt bother me that much.
In my mind, was Mr I... Mr I and more of Mr I.
In 2012, I decided to leave my fate to Allah swt.
I was tired of waiting for Mr I.
I was tired of being humiliated and maligned by him.
I was tired of waiting for a guy who does not think of me.
Why bother?
So, I prayed alot. Attended a few religious classes on "Moving on".
Pretty interesting to hear from religious point of views.
It strengthen my faith to believe everything in god.
In Nov 2012, Mr K proposed to me.
I was speechless.
I was not ready.
I took 4 months away from Mr K.
I was scared of giving him an answer.
My mind was in a chaos.
Should I say Yes to him?
Should I?
I continued believing in god.
I prayed and prayed and one day, I asked god,
"If truly Mr I is not meant for me, show me a sign."
And true enough a sign was given to me.
I decided to believe that Mr I is not destine to be with me.
But that doesnt mean Mr K is the right guy for me.
So, I continued praying and praying and praying.
I attended a workshop called "Soulmates" by Ustaz Mirzi.
It was mind-blowing.
Suddenly, Mr K's name came into my mind.
And right there and then, my heart told my mind, "He is my soulmate".
And one one night I messaged him (was too shy to tell him verbally)...
that I would like to spend the rest of my live with him.
And ever since that DAY, my life changes.
I was in love.
Yes, truly in love.
The feeling is ....really amazing.
I realized he is truly my soulmate I have been waiting for.
He is definitely not like Mr I or Mr H,
but he is the one I want to spend my entire life with till Jannah.
So Muhammad Khidir .....
Although it took me years to finally love you,
Im glad it happened.
And I am excited to start a new beginning with you!
From a stranger, to a confidante, to friend, to close friend
and insyallah, future husband and wife.
=)
